Humor Feed

Am I right ...

Coffee sign

Or am I right?


I found this clever sign in my stocking and boy did it make me laugh ... because every morning after Bill's gone downstairs with the ever-early-rising Earlybird (we're talking 4 or 4:30 here, folks) and after the not-one-for-sleeping-so-much Little Bear has woken to nurse (usually a few minutes later) I use my handy-dandy iPhone, and whichever thumb is free, to text one word to Bill, and one word only ...

I bet you can guess what that is.


Well my friends, I hope you're all having a good week so far ... anyone else simply exult in that first cuppa coffee each morning?

See you here again very soon!

How many tabs do YOU have open?

Woman's mind

I saw this (where else?) on the Internet and I thought it was pretty funny - and quite true! Just had to share it with you all.


Do you find you have a whole lot of "tabs" open in your mind at one time? What would those tabs be? What preoccupies your thoughts on any given day?

The kids ... the house ... the husband ... the meals ... the money ... the to-do's ...


And do your tabs, like mine, stay open all night? It's hard to "shut down" and "power off" isn't it? How do you "log off" before bed?

Just some things rattling around in my brain this morning - yet another open tab in my browser!


Have yourselves a lovely Tuesday, my friends! 

Sunday Funny

Tucking Earlybird into bed the other night, Bill begins the usual goodnight litany ...
Bill:  Goodnight, sleep tight ...
EB:  ... and don't let the bed bugs bite!
Bill:  Ok, I won't!
EB:  Me too! 'Cause I'm gonna catch 'em and kill 'em!
Bill:  *blinks*
Bill:  Oh wow, you are?
EB: Um, yeah... with Mama.
I wish you all a wonderful Sunday!

Silence is (apparently) golden ...

Eb at Petsmart

A trip to the pet store was part of our science study this week (current topic: classification). So we're walking around Petsmart, observing all the myriad species and how they differ (fur/scales/fins/feathers), but Earlybird totally catches on that I'm trying to make this a "teaching moment."

EB: "Mom, look! It's a Nemo fish!"

(EB points out a bright orange fish of some kind or another.)

Me: "Wow, that's so cool. Yeah, that fish is a lot like a clownfish because it's small and orange and its fins are kind of ..."

(EB sighs.)

EB: "Mom? Don't talk about it, ok? Just don't talk about it."

Me: *zips lips*
Do you ever find yourself making everything a teaching moment? It's hard to resist sometimes! Do your kids ever call you on it?
Have a great Thursday, my friends! See you here again very soon ...

Friday Funny

So yesterday I had to break up a little tussle between Earlybird and Crackerjack. At the time I wasn't interested in "details" I just made them go their separate ways ...

A little while later Earlybird comes into the kitchen and says to me, "I need to say sorry to Crackerjack." So I look at him and say, "Oh, really? What happened that you need to say sorry?"

And EB sighs and says, "Oh ... it's a long story."

Have a great Friday, my friends!

Sunday ☼ Snippets

I hope you're all having a nice weekend ~ thought I'd pop in to say, "hi."

Monarch comic strip

Do you read the funnies? My boys read them daily, and they often point out ones they find particularly amusing. Well, I added the above comic strip to my journal today ... I just thought it was so cute and seasonal to boot!

And here's some magazine bounty ...

Orange-green magazines

Do you ever notice that magazines tend to coordinate their covers each month? For instance, as seen above, the September crop of magazines are adorned mostly in shades of orange and green. I've noticed this trend over the years and wondered if it's just coincidence, or if there's some marketing genius at work here ... perhaps people buy more magazines if they all seem to match?

(I took a closer look at the parent publishers, and as it turns out, most of these are published by Meredith Corp. and a couple by Hearst. So maybe it's not such a coincidence after all ... but clearly, in my case, the "strategy" works.)

Here's our new bumper sticker:

Bumper sticker

Purchased at our local, much-loved, farm stand.

And finally ... 

Tracks on floor

I just had to snap a picture of these train tracks. I've been "building train tracks" upon request for many, many years now. Sometimes on the floor, sometimes on the couch, sometimes on the deck. I'm pretty sure I could do it in my sleep. I bet some of you can dress Barbies blindfolded while others can build Legos with one hand tied behind your back - well, my forte´ seems to be railroads ...

I'm kinda proud of that. :)

So, that's all for now, but I thank you so much for stopping by ... enjoy the rest of your Sunday, my friends ... and I'll see you here again very soon!

Morning Funny

A little snippet from last night ...

So I'm in the bathroom with Earlybird, helping him brush his teeth before bed, when he gets distracted by the open window. So we're standing there at the window, enjoying the evening breeze, and I remark on how much cooler it is now than it was earlier today ...

I say to EB, "It's cooler now, because the storm moved away and went out to sea, taking all that hot air with it."

So EB nods (because we've talked about this before, how weather systems move) and then he yells out the window, at the very TOP of his lungs:

"Thank you, Storm! Thank you so much!"

And then in this funny little voice he adds:

"You're welcome, EB!"


Happy Thursday, my friends!

Happy Candlemas!


Earlybird made this neat candle craft today, and I think he did a great job!

I helped him glue a bit of felt to the bottom of a simple candleholder, and then he decorated a plain white pillar candle with some colorful stickers. I brushed the stickers lightly with decoupage glue because the edges were curling a bit. (And then set the candle out of reach until it dried thoroughly.) This whole project took ten minutes, tops.

Now, while I'm here, I'd like to share a quick story from yesterday:


Ok ... so, you know those moments when you find yourselves laughing so hard and so long ... you just know it will be one of those family stories you retell through the years?

Well, this wasn't quite that hilarious, but it was still pretty funny!

With the storm upon us, the feeders were in desperate need of filling - you know how I worry about my little critters - so Bookworm set about figuring out a way to get out to them. He usually goes out the deck and around back, but the deck - if you remember - is now piled high with the snow from the roof.

(I momentarily considered having Bookworm climb out the learning room windows - it's not too far a drop - but then I wondered how he'd get back in.)

So we figured the best thing for him to do was to go out the front door and around to the side gate (which was/is mostly buried under snow). He'd have to climb over it, but he assured us it's nothing he hasn't done before, retrieving balls and such from neighbors' yards.

So that part of the equation made sense, the problem was getting Bookworm TO the gate in the first place!

Oh my goodness, I know this just isn't sounding as funny as it was, but let me assure you - when I took this picture the three of us were in absolute hysterics. Bill, as you can see, had gone out to help - Bookworm's legs were stuck thigh-deep and he could barely move. (Mind you, this is all taking place about three feet from our front doorway.) Bill thought they could use a sled to pack down a path for BW to use, but that plan quickly got set aside - and Bill himself got stuck in the snow!

Oh my gosh, how we laughed - like catch-your-breath, belly laughs - and all I could think was what a fun memory this will be for my teenage son. To be sharing such a laugh with his parents - his kind-of crazy parents who go to such lengths to do things like this. (Send our eldest child out in a blizzard to fill the feeders lest the little birds and squirrels go hungry and die.)

So as you can probably guess, the whole plan went to pot and we all came back inside. I ended up throwing buckets of seed out the aforementioned windows. Today the red and gray squirrels are making short work of that (now buried) seed while the birds are making do with the feeders hanging from the windows.

You know, I feel blessed in many ways, but I thank God everyday I have such a patient husband and sons who humor me *and* are so good-humored themselves. 


Well, I've kept all your ears long enough, so I'll wrap up for now. I hope you all had a good day, and I hope to see you all here again very soon.


Don't worry ... he's ok!

I wanted to follow up on my Wordless Wednesday post since several readers were concerned for our crazy little "stuck squirrel." Rest assured, he wasn't actually "stuck" - he got out of the feeder safely. In fact, this is something he does frequently! 

He just sits on top of the feeder:


Then dives down for seed:


Spends some time finding just the "right" seed:


Then starts wiggling himself back out, furry feet flailing:


And finally sits atop the feeder enjoying his spoils:


It's hilarious to watch, and he's quite adept at it, too! Squirrels are true acrobats when it comes to acquiring seed. 

Now, the red squirrels do this as well - but as they are much smaller and faster we don't worry about them getting stuck. Chipmunks however ... well, they tend to get stuck. I've had to rescue a chipmunk from time to time from the bottom of the feeder. 

So, there's the whole squirrel story lol! And Happy Thursday everyone ~ hope your week is going well. I got hit with that virus thing that had Bill and the boys coughing and aching last week. Fortunately, I spent a day in bed and it seemed to quiet down - now I just have a hoarse voice. Cough drops and gatorade do wonders. ;)

Be back again soon! 

Reality Check

We're expecting friends this afternoon so naturally I'm cleaning the house like crazy tidying up here and there. A few moments ago, Crackerjack walked into the living room, cast a wary eye about his surroundings and said:

Hey, things look different around here!

I paused in my feverish scrubbing damp-dusting, and responded: 

Different? How so?

Crackerjack shrugged. 

I don't know? Different like ... clean?

Hmmm. Methinks it's time to revisit my housekeeping routines ...

Motherhood and Apple Pie*

*Or maybe I mean humble pie ...

Bookworm: "Hey, Mama, did you know that there's this thing you can get at McDonald's - it sounds really good. It's like a bar ... only it's an apple pie!!"

Me: "Oh, sure, I've had one before. They're not bad actually."

BW: "Really, you've had one before?"

Me: "Well, not since I was a kid."

BW: "Wow, really?! I didn't know they'd been around that long!"


P.S. Tonight's menu is a boy's dream, our "homemade fast food" night ~ cheeseburgers, french fries, onion rings, and steamed corn ~ nary a pepper to be found. ;) Usually we have little ice cream sundaes for dessert with this supper, but instead we'll enjoy a jelly roll in honor of President Lincoln!

I'm sure he meant well ...

I was preparing a dish of sour cream chicken for supper, and asked Bookworm to fetch me the peppers from the vegetable bin. So he did, one hand still holding the book he had his nose buried in moments before ... but as he brought me the peppers he spied what I was fixing (his favorite meal) and he said:

"Um ... just make sure there are no peppers touching my piece of chicken. I don't like the pepper taste."

I turned to him, my eyebrows raised, and he quickly replied:

"Not that there's anything wrong with your peppers, of course ..."

Pause (my eyebrows still raised).

"In fact, they're the best peppers I've ever had ... It's just that I don't like peppers."

He smiled. I smiled. And then I turned back to the chicken.

"Come to think of it," he said, as he walked out of the kitchen, "I've only ever tried your peppers ..."

Why God Made Moms ...

A friend from church sent this to me way back in January and I just came across it as I was cleaning out my files. I hope you get a chuckle out of it - it's very cute! :)

Brilliant answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

  1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
  2. Mostly to clean the house.
  3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

  1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
  2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
  3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

  1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
  2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

  1. We're related.
  2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?

  1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
  2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess is pretty bossy.
  3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

  1. His last name.
  2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?
  3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did she say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

  1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
  2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
  3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

  1. Mom doesn't want to be the boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball.
  2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees stuff under the bed.
  3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?

  1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
  2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
  3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
  4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

  1. Mothers don't do spare time.
  2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

  1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
  2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

  1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
  2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
  3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Now I wonder what our kids would say to those same questions ...? Maybe it's better not to ask, lol!

Good, Clean, Fun

You might have noticed that we really enjoy going to the movies (case in point here, here, here and here). There's just something special about catching an afternoon matinee, especially in the summer - the popcorn, the previews, the big screen - the AC! Good clean (cool) fun.

The tricky thing is, though, finding movies that are good (funny, exciting, worth the $$) but still appropriate for family viewing. G movies are almost a thing of the past, and many PG movies sneak in a lot of stuff that is, I feel anyway, rather bothersome - adult innuendo, poor or even foul language, and even over-the-top violence. It can make for slim pickings sometimes.

So it was with great interest that I read a review of the new movie Evan Almighty, posted recently by the lovely Margaret in Minnesota. I've seen the preview once or twice and we even watched the HBO First Look recently (you can view it on YouTube, just do a google search). It looks cute, and I really like Steve Carrell, so I was glad to read that Margaret's gang enjoyed it, because I am sure we will too. Leah Rozen of People Magazine did not particularly care for it, but I hardly ever agree with her anyway. With Margaret, however - well, I like to flatter myself that we are on the same wavelength - so her opinion counts. :)

According to Margaret:

"Evan Almighty is both biblical and family-centered, which is why it annoys the secular media. There is nothing offensive at all in the film - no swearing, no sex, no disrespect - although there is a splatter or two of bird poo."

Family-centered? Nothing offensive? Bird poo? Yup, right up our alley! :)

And speaking of good clean fun, here are some cute jokes from my parish bulletin this week:

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.

Q. Who was te 2nd greatest financier in the Bible? A. Moses' mother. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker? A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

And now I'm afraid I really must tear myself away from the computer and attend to the laundry situation which is currently reaching alarming levels. Have a great day, and if you live in the northeast (or anywhere else experiencing a heat wave this week) keep cool!

Just Checking

I was cleaning up the lunch dishes, standing at the sink, when Crackerjack came up to me, holding his hands out and looking them all over. He said to me:

"How many fingers are you supposed to have?"

Laughing a little (but not too much, I could see he was serious), I answered him:

"Ten! Or, eight I guess. Eight fingers and two thumbs."

He continued to turn his hands over and over, obviously counting and re-counting, so I turned off the faucet and asked:


Holding up his hands and wiggling all his fingers, CJ replied:

"Oh, I'm just checking, it was looking there like maybe I was missing one."

How to Make Yourself Known to Your Pastor

  • Go to Mass every week and sit in the third or fourth pew.
  • Make an effort to receive Communion from him, and not the Eucharistic minister to his right, even when it causes a minor traffic jam.
  • Stop and say hello after Mass is over, shake his hand, and wish him a good week ahead.

These are all excellent ways to get to know your pastor and, at the same time, allow him to familarize himself with you too.

But of course, if you really want to make yourselves stand out, there's always the "show him where he made a mistake" route.

See here's what you do ...

Have your 11 year old son walk right up to Father after Mass and ask about the mistake that was made - not just this week, but last week too!

Oh. My. Goodness.

All I can say is, I am so thankful our pastor is very good natured!

I feel I must explain, however, lest you think Bookworm was being fresh - he was honestly just checking his facts out with Father. Bookworm is a boy of information, and when the facts don't add up, he sniffs out the truth like a bloodhound.

See, last week at Mass, just as we began to say the Gloria, Bookworm Magnifikid_1leaned over to me, brow furrowed, and pointed to a line in his Magnifikid (which is a kid's version, word for word, of the liturgy). Where he was pointing it said, "We don't say the Glory to God prayer during Advent." And here we were, as a congregation, belting out the Gloria.

I smiled at Bookworm, gave him a "I have no idea" kind of shrug, and left it at that, knowing full well I would hear about this later.

And sure enough, in the car on the way home, Bookworm said to me, "Mama, how come Father Mike had us say the Gloria when we're not supposed to during Advent?"

There was a pause while I considered my answer, and then Bookworm answered his own question.

"Oh, I guess he just made a mistake."

But Crackerjack would have none of that.

"Priests don't make mistakes. They're perfect!"

So of course a whole conversation addressing this sweet but inaccurate remark was necessary. And that was the end of the Gloria issue ...

Until today at Mass, when we once again said - no sang, this time - the Gloria - and Bookworm tugged violently on my elbow and held up his Magnifikid, shaking it a little in obvious consternation. Again I shrugged but this time I followed it with a tap on his book which he knows means "back to the business at hand, buddy."

So 45 minutes later, we're all heading out of Mass, and as usual Father Mike is surrounded by many parishioners, chatting and catching up. We began to make our way toward the car when I realized Bookworm had hung back - and had caught Father's attention and was (oh, dear me) showing him his Magnfikid! He was showing him the notation about the Gloria!

I can only imagine my face was as pink as my hand-knitted scarf, as I headed over to join the tete-a-tete, ready to apologize, or at the very least explain, but Father in his usual kind and jovial way was laughing and looking over the book with Bookworm!

"You know, I was wondering about that myself!" he said. And then he turned to me and said (with a smile), "You know, he's going to make a great priest someday!"

We all laughed, and though Bookworm looked a little confused, I could tell he was relieved to have brought this to Father's attention. Father shook his hand, looked once more at the Magnifikid and thanked Bookworm for paying such close attention at Mass.

I, Mother of the Burning Cheeks, was proud, embarassed and highly amused all at once! I was most appreciative that Father took it all in stride and I commended Bookworm for having the courage to speak to Father, and ask his question, and for doing it so respectfully.

But still.

Next week when Father opens our Christmas card I am now more than certain he will recognize my boys at once - by face and thereafter by name too!

The Plight of the Younger Brother

On the way home from speech this morning, Bookworm calls out from the back of the van:

"Only 13 days till Thanksgiving!"

Crackerjack pipes up:

"Mama, how many days till Thanksgiving?"

Bookworm exclaims indignantly:

"I just told you it was 13 days!"

Crackerjack retorts:

"Yeah, but you could be wrong."

Mama interjects:

"He's right, honey. Thanksgiving is 13 days away."

Crackerjack sighs:

"Phooey. He's always right about everything."


Cat on a Cold Asphalt Roof

We're starting a club, care to join us? Ace Wildlife Defenders we'll call it. I think we have enough experience under our belts by now. Turkeys. Chipmunks. Cats. Furred or feathered, we save them all.

Our latest wildlife adventure unfolded just a few minutes ago. I was heating up a cup of coffee in the kitchen when Bookworm called me to the window:

"WHAT is THAT?" he exclaimed.

A large orange tabby cat was stuck on our family room roof.


A few essential facts before I continue:

A. This is not my cat.

B. I have no idea how he got up there. (Though it probably involved birds.)

C. I had no idea how I was going to get him down.


What else could we do but help this poor cat? So we launched into action, and after a few frantic moments, and lots of crying (by the cat, who was terrified), we managed to help him get down. I pushed a picnic table closer to the edge of the roofline and the cat made a huge leap (yowling the whole way down), made it safely onto the deck (missing my face by a few inches!) and streaked from the yard into the woods.

And, you know, he didn't even stop to say thank you? ;)

But at least I have no injured cats to rush to the vet, we had a nice break from our math, and I have a good story to blog about, too.

So how's your morning been so far?